Father God, fulfill this desire within me,
trying to fill but this only brings envy
The hole aches in my heart,
it grows and swells when we are apart
I push you away to try to find love
I didn't trust You, no I just shrugged
and continued on my quest alone
looking out and within myself but love was not known
Jesus your love fills me so completely,
and I trust you so sweetly
Help me to never subsitute you for fake, shallow, self love,
which wraps me in a selfish hug
I want to give my heart to You
with no reservations, to be Your bride true
Lord, I wait for You, my soul needs Your love and attention
Please Lord, love me always even when I fall and stumble
Never depart Your love and life from me, I am Your servant made humble
Monday, April 25, 2011
A little personal...
This was actually for my English class. It was begging the question, "What is an experience in your life that grew your faith, and conquered fear while also freeing you?" Made me really think about some things in my life.
Music has always been a big part of my life. I've loved singing since I was toddler. I would run around the house singing praise and worship songs at the top of my lungs. It didn't matter where I was, if I had a song on my brain, I would most likely be belting it out.
As I got older, however I became really timid, especially with singing. I can't really explain what was holding me back, it was like this invisible lid on my pipes. I could no longer sing in public without a nagging fear that someone would hear me and think I was bad. Or worse, actually think I was good and then I'd have to do it in public more often. This was my line of reasoning. It went on this way for a while till I was about thirteen and the youth leader asked me if I could play the piano and sing on the worship team. I was horrified! How did he know that I could sing? My parents caught wind of it and asked me what I wanted to do about it. I said I didn't want to join of course. They said they would pray about it and that I should to. The next couple of days, my parents were saying that I had to join for a year just to at least be doing something at church and to use the talent God had given me for His glory. I was frustrated but mostly fearful when I heard this. I reluctantly agreed.
Being on the worship team was hard at first, but as I began to step out more and more I learned that I loved glorifying God in this way and that He had gifted with me something that I shouldn't hide. I ended up staying on the team all through High School and gradually God began to give me more and more until I was given the position of worship leader in the children's ministry.
I know that without stepping by faith into that position, I would've never experienced the freedom I have now in that area of my life. I have learned through my fear to give every thing I have to the Lord and that He will take care of you when you think you have nothing to offer. He was growing me and stretching my faith to prepare me for what I am doing now and also for what I hope to do with this gift in the future. I am definitely free because of my faith. I know that the Lord gives confidence and strength when you feel like you can't break free from fear.
Music has always been a big part of my life. I've loved singing since I was toddler. I would run around the house singing praise and worship songs at the top of my lungs. It didn't matter where I was, if I had a song on my brain, I would most likely be belting it out.
As I got older, however I became really timid, especially with singing. I can't really explain what was holding me back, it was like this invisible lid on my pipes. I could no longer sing in public without a nagging fear that someone would hear me and think I was bad. Or worse, actually think I was good and then I'd have to do it in public more often. This was my line of reasoning. It went on this way for a while till I was about thirteen and the youth leader asked me if I could play the piano and sing on the worship team. I was horrified! How did he know that I could sing? My parents caught wind of it and asked me what I wanted to do about it. I said I didn't want to join of course. They said they would pray about it and that I should to. The next couple of days, my parents were saying that I had to join for a year just to at least be doing something at church and to use the talent God had given me for His glory. I was frustrated but mostly fearful when I heard this. I reluctantly agreed.
Being on the worship team was hard at first, but as I began to step out more and more I learned that I loved glorifying God in this way and that He had gifted with me something that I shouldn't hide. I ended up staying on the team all through High School and gradually God began to give me more and more until I was given the position of worship leader in the children's ministry.
I know that without stepping by faith into that position, I would've never experienced the freedom I have now in that area of my life. I have learned through my fear to give every thing I have to the Lord and that He will take care of you when you think you have nothing to offer. He was growing me and stretching my faith to prepare me for what I am doing now and also for what I hope to do with this gift in the future. I am definitely free because of my faith. I know that the Lord gives confidence and strength when you feel like you can't break free from fear.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Retraction
You told me to let go, and I did.
I thought so.
Next thing I knew, fear
serenaded. I drifted from truth
Oddly, I clung to the thing that had me hung
on the gallows of the unknown
I don't understand the different sides of me,
how I can be at your sweet feet, holding Your hand
trusting Your plan
Next moment, I'm alone
forgetting the peace Jesus owns
making me lonely and sad
My cries reach Your ears, and I know my heart hears
Your still voice run through me,
giving me comfort and passion to endure till eternity.
I thought so.
Next thing I knew, fear
serenaded. I drifted from truth
Oddly, I clung to the thing that had me hung
on the gallows of the unknown
I don't understand the different sides of me,
how I can be at your sweet feet, holding Your hand
trusting Your plan
Next moment, I'm alone
forgetting the peace Jesus owns
making me lonely and sad
My cries reach Your ears, and I know my heart hears
Your still voice run through me,
giving me comfort and passion to endure till eternity.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Beautiful Irony
Love, where are you to be found?
Every minute, second, I hear your sound
Your music is sweet to my ears, so
I listen and search.
I ran outside and found you on my favorite perch
Love, when I saw your face,
your singing stopped.
Our eyes met and a smile spread across your face.
You opened up your arms and I
could plainly see
The scars that my sin gave you on the tree.
I fell to my knees and could not look at you,
because then I knew
I am guilty and the cause for your pain.
But when love crossed the distance between us, you whispered my name
You lifted my face, and said I am forgiven.
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